Havent been here in a while and promised last time I would do better, but I just dont seem to have it in me. I feel like this is somewhere I come when I feel most alone. And that isnt fair, so I think blogging is not the thing for me. I guess I thought that somewhere in another country (or planet even) someone might give a damn about anything that I say, that someone might find my rants intelligent, or entertaining even. But in all honesty I dont even have anything that I find intelligent or entertaining. I have a few blogs that I follow and I check back all the time to see if the next post has been put up, hanging out to see what the next witty line will be, or the next topic to peak my curiosity, and this blog doesnt do that for me, let alone anyone else. I am outta here folks... this post is just to inform anyone who did read, or may stumble across this from now, or my beautiful friends who make up my 2 followers - that it has been a pleasure to share the insanity for a few entries...
So I bid you adieu, and to you and to you!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Because I have no balls...
Dear T,
I am doing this here because I need to get this off my chest, but I just dont have any nice way to put what I have to say, nor would I ever want to hurt you, and I know that the things I am about to say would hurt. I have tried in the past, a couple of times now, but I am starting to think we speak different sorts of english.
You are an 'I' person. Everything revolves around you. Or so you would like to think. You are cheap and nasty. You flirt with other people's husbands and you seem to have an unrealistically high opinion of yourself. You never say sorry, never apologise, even when you are in the wrong. You are disloyal. You are rude and have incredibly poor etiquette, both online and in real life social situations. You have a chip on your shoulder. Your sense of entitlement astounds me. You seem to be completely oblivious that you irritate most of the people you come in contact with (at least the people we know mutually). You take no responsibilty for how your actions may affect other people, and you seem to believe that if you say or do something that upsets someone else - that is their problem. You are condescending. You embarass your children and dont hestitate to call them out on behaviour that you exhibit yourself. You just dont seem to get the message that I am not your friend, I tolerate you because your kids and mine go to the same school, therefore I will have to see you approximately 212 days of this year.
Sometimes I wish I could be an 'I' person. Then I come in contact with you again, and realise that you make me tense and anxious. And I dont like to think that I could make someone feel like that.
I am doing this here because I need to get this off my chest, but I just dont have any nice way to put what I have to say, nor would I ever want to hurt you, and I know that the things I am about to say would hurt. I have tried in the past, a couple of times now, but I am starting to think we speak different sorts of english.
You are an 'I' person. Everything revolves around you. Or so you would like to think. You are cheap and nasty. You flirt with other people's husbands and you seem to have an unrealistically high opinion of yourself. You never say sorry, never apologise, even when you are in the wrong. You are disloyal. You are rude and have incredibly poor etiquette, both online and in real life social situations. You have a chip on your shoulder. Your sense of entitlement astounds me. You seem to be completely oblivious that you irritate most of the people you come in contact with (at least the people we know mutually). You take no responsibilty for how your actions may affect other people, and you seem to believe that if you say or do something that upsets someone else - that is their problem. You are condescending. You embarass your children and dont hestitate to call them out on behaviour that you exhibit yourself. You just dont seem to get the message that I am not your friend, I tolerate you because your kids and mine go to the same school, therefore I will have to see you approximately 212 days of this year.
Sometimes I wish I could be an 'I' person. Then I come in contact with you again, and realise that you make me tense and anxious. And I dont like to think that I could make someone feel like that.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Ahh Natalie Portman... disappointed!
Well this weekend I watched Natalie Portman in her latest award winning role, and seriously, I gotta tell ya - she was fantastic but the movie was CRAP! Complete and utter bullshit. Okay I get that the movie delves into the big taboo that is mental illness, exploring a topic that many people just cant bring themselves to discuss, but shit, really people - I am not dumb and at the end of this one, I exhaled and let out a big loud WTF. So frikin confused! The whole movie was a mess of her playing the quiet doe-eyed dancer girl who would do anything to be perfect, and her 'pleasuring herself' or hallucinating about lesbian encounters.
If you went and asked any male on the street "Have you seen 'Black Swan' with that Natalie Portman sheila", the response would be "Yeh my mrs made me watch it. Did you see that bit where the girl went down on her... phwaor!"
Definitely something to be proud of Nat. Cant wait to see you you redeem yourself for that one on SNL. Will probably be better than the movie was!
If you went and asked any male on the street "Have you seen 'Black Swan' with that Natalie Portman sheila", the response would be "Yeh my mrs made me watch it. Did you see that bit where the girl went down on her... phwaor!"
Definitely something to be proud of Nat. Cant wait to see you you redeem yourself for that one on SNL. Will probably be better than the movie was!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Do you censor yourself??
I was just thinking 'I should blog about such n such' but reconsidered because a) I know who is reading this b) I know what the people reading this think about this and c) what is the point in writing about such n such if they already know what I think, and I already know what I think.
Then I thought about how often I rephrase what I say, or simply choose not to say, just because it may bother someone else.
Ah blah blah blah blah.......................
Then I thought about how often I rephrase what I say, or simply choose not to say, just because it may bother someone else.
Ah blah blah blah blah.......................
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Just Breathe
Honestly, the anxiety is so bad at the moment, that sometimes I am surprised I wake up in the morning. That sounds ridiculous, or looks ridiculous. Whatever. I see that its stupid, but I cant control it.
I just looked at pictures of my mother's wedding. There are only a few of me. Thank fuck for that. After looking at those pictures I have never despised myself more. I avoided pictures of myself with my mother on her wedding day because I just cant stand to look at myself. There will never be any real proof that I shared that day with her, because I am ashamed of myself. Of how I look and who I am. And the pressure that comes with ever changing how I look, or being someone better... is overwhelming.
A friend's son has leukemia, and the more I hear, the less I cope. I cant imagine how she is coping, let alone what the situation and the disease are doing to him. And I am scared for them. And sad. I am being positive - but the world as I know it will change if he isnt okay at the end of all this.
I just looked at pictures of my mother's wedding. There are only a few of me. Thank fuck for that. After looking at those pictures I have never despised myself more. I avoided pictures of myself with my mother on her wedding day because I just cant stand to look at myself. There will never be any real proof that I shared that day with her, because I am ashamed of myself. Of how I look and who I am. And the pressure that comes with ever changing how I look, or being someone better... is overwhelming.
A friend's son has leukemia, and the more I hear, the less I cope. I cant imagine how she is coping, let alone what the situation and the disease are doing to him. And I am scared for them. And sad. I am being positive - but the world as I know it will change if he isnt okay at the end of all this.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Doctors visit
Went into town today because I had to take the girl child to to doctors. She has had this pain in her side on and off for months now, every now and then she will let me know she is hurting, and sometimes it goes on for days, then we dont hear anything about it for a week. Anyway, she has complained a couple times now and I have given her panadol a couple days running, so I figured it was time we look into it.
I have mentioned it to the dr before but today we had to see a different doctor - seems hard to see the same dr twice in this town. We have to monitor her pain over the next fortnight, and if there are more than 5 days where she mentions pain, she has to have an abdominal ultrasound. He said these aches and pains are common in kids around this age and that sometimes it is just a stress reaction. And I instantly felt like a terrible mother. Fuck knows there has been stress around here this last year or so, so maybe thats it. But I still dont want to think that my little girl is stressed. At 7 years of age. She is far too young to be stressed.
So I am going to go play a game of uno with my girl, and hope that she is better soon. I wish I knew all the answers, but in the meantime, just gotta bluff my way through and pray I dont screw them up!
I have mentioned it to the dr before but today we had to see a different doctor - seems hard to see the same dr twice in this town. We have to monitor her pain over the next fortnight, and if there are more than 5 days where she mentions pain, she has to have an abdominal ultrasound. He said these aches and pains are common in kids around this age and that sometimes it is just a stress reaction. And I instantly felt like a terrible mother. Fuck knows there has been stress around here this last year or so, so maybe thats it. But I still dont want to think that my little girl is stressed. At 7 years of age. She is far too young to be stressed.
So I am going to go play a game of uno with my girl, and hope that she is better soon. I wish I knew all the answers, but in the meantime, just gotta bluff my way through and pray I dont screw them up!
Monday, May 23, 2011
FUUUUCCCCKKKKKK
I am a fuck up of the highest order sometimes... dont know how I continue to breathe!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
*insert witty title here*
Should I be worried that I am actually glad the weekend is over? I promise to be more entertaining next week. Promise! xxx
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Learning curve
Feels like it has been such a long week. Scratch that, I think its been a long year.
I had a little rant about P&C crap the other day, and for anyone who may be reading - that problem has been dealt with. There is only so long you can allow someone to talk down to you before you snap. The person filling the role of President was doing my fucking head in, with her lack of morals, condescending attitude and general bad conduct. I think in accepting, let alone begging for, a role on a public community committee, you are making yourself accountable for your actions. And I dont think that woman had ever been made accountable for her actions. I will admit, I felt pressure from every corner on this one, other people and members wanted to know why she was not fulfilling her duties, but in all honesty, the majority of the stress in that situation was bought on by myself. This person had allowed me to believe that they knew what they were doing and had done some great things in the years before. So I backed her, and now I feel like a dickhead.
I always thought i was a pretty good judge of character. Always took people at face value and knew that everyone, no matter what their past or their crime, deserved a second chance. I think this is because I am very much aware that I have not always made the best decisions myself. There are lots of things in my past that I am not proud of. And especially since I have become a mother, I have tried to change my behaviour in the hope that I can be a better person. I have allowed people, for far too long, to manipulate me, and mistreat me, under the mad ideology that they were my friend/family. If I had a dollar for every time I had said 'yeh but maybe they dont realise that it comes across that way' I would be a millionaire. Either way, this person made me realise that I am tougher than that.
By wednesday last week I had enough and confronted the person. I told her that she is rude and condescending, among other things, and I can honestly say that I handled myself in a manner of which I can be proud. I didnt buy into the gossipy bullshit that had been said, I didnt over dramatise the situation, I just told her how I felt without throwing any other person under the bus. I told her that I was sorry that I had backed her and supported her, and that if she couldnt fulfil the role properly then she should step down and give someone else the chance.
She has since resigned from her position on the P&C and roles have changed. We have a new president and Vice President and I really believe that as a group we can do great things for the school. We are planning and plotting already and I cant wait to get stuck in and start raising some money for this school.
I learnt from this experience though. I learnt that no matter what people think of me, or how I may have behaved in the past, I can handle myself with decorum and class, at least sometimes.
I had a little rant about P&C crap the other day, and for anyone who may be reading - that problem has been dealt with. There is only so long you can allow someone to talk down to you before you snap. The person filling the role of President was doing my fucking head in, with her lack of morals, condescending attitude and general bad conduct. I think in accepting, let alone begging for, a role on a public community committee, you are making yourself accountable for your actions. And I dont think that woman had ever been made accountable for her actions. I will admit, I felt pressure from every corner on this one, other people and members wanted to know why she was not fulfilling her duties, but in all honesty, the majority of the stress in that situation was bought on by myself. This person had allowed me to believe that they knew what they were doing and had done some great things in the years before. So I backed her, and now I feel like a dickhead.
I always thought i was a pretty good judge of character. Always took people at face value and knew that everyone, no matter what their past or their crime, deserved a second chance. I think this is because I am very much aware that I have not always made the best decisions myself. There are lots of things in my past that I am not proud of. And especially since I have become a mother, I have tried to change my behaviour in the hope that I can be a better person. I have allowed people, for far too long, to manipulate me, and mistreat me, under the mad ideology that they were my friend/family. If I had a dollar for every time I had said 'yeh but maybe they dont realise that it comes across that way' I would be a millionaire. Either way, this person made me realise that I am tougher than that.
By wednesday last week I had enough and confronted the person. I told her that she is rude and condescending, among other things, and I can honestly say that I handled myself in a manner of which I can be proud. I didnt buy into the gossipy bullshit that had been said, I didnt over dramatise the situation, I just told her how I felt without throwing any other person under the bus. I told her that I was sorry that I had backed her and supported her, and that if she couldnt fulfil the role properly then she should step down and give someone else the chance.
She has since resigned from her position on the P&C and roles have changed. We have a new president and Vice President and I really believe that as a group we can do great things for the school. We are planning and plotting already and I cant wait to get stuck in and start raising some money for this school.
I learnt from this experience though. I learnt that no matter what people think of me, or how I may have behaved in the past, I can handle myself with decorum and class, at least sometimes.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Seems appropriate....
I have been playing this album to death - Adele 21
Close enough to start a war
All that I have is on the floor
God only knows what we're fighting for
All that I say, you always say more
I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb, I can't breathe
So I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I cant give you, what you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables
Under hardest guise I see ooh
Where love is lost, your ghost is found
I braved a hundred storms to leave you
As hard as you try, no I will never be knocked down
I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb, I can't breathe
So I won't let you close enough to hurt me, no
I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I cant give you, what you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
Turning tables
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
When the thunder calls for me
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet
I won't let you close enough to hurt me, no
I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I cant give you, what you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables
Turning tables, yeah
Turning ohh
Close enough to start a war
All that I have is on the floor
God only knows what we're fighting for
All that I say, you always say more
I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb, I can't breathe
So I won't let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I cant give you, what you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables
Under hardest guise I see ooh
Where love is lost, your ghost is found
I braved a hundred storms to leave you
As hard as you try, no I will never be knocked down
I can't keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb, I can't breathe
So I won't let you close enough to hurt me, no
I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I cant give you, what you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
Turning tables
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
When the thunder calls for me
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet
I won't let you close enough to hurt me, no
I won't ask you, you to just desert me
I cant give you, what you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
To turning tables
Turning tables, yeah
Turning ohh
Saturday, May 7, 2011
I'm ba-ackkkkk!
Hey baby... missed me? If the answer there was yes, then I am sorry to say the feeling is not mutual. Where to start - so much has gone on in the last few months that I am not even sure where I was up to when I left off last. So forgive me if this post is a little jumpy, I will try my best to not let this end up like one of the 'Matrix' movies, coz that was just confusing and kinda shit me.
First, I feel the need to explain where the fuck I have been for the last 3 months. I am still not sure, so if you find me, let me know where I was? In the end, I am back because my mate (and only follower coz she is the only person I am brave enough to let see all this shit) said to me the other day 'you were coping a lot better when you were writing'. And fuck I hope its true. Sometimes it scares me that my mental health is something I will never stop questioning, never recover from having had that label, deserving of it or not. The most fucked bit of this post is that as I hear it in my head I am aware of the rambling... just another sign that my brain is not coping in its 'normal' way. Whatever the fuck that is.
So, an update on family life. The kids are still driving me nuts, and are still the most beautiful and amazing creatures on the planet. Little by little I am becoming more aware of what resilient little buggers they are. The kids went back to school, had swimming lessons, both had time off with a cold, they got nits... twice, and I managed to survive the term with only 1 nervous breakdown in the kids classrooms. It appears that my darling son has decided that school work sux, is boring, and is clearly not worth his time or effort. And he told the Vice Principal so when he was sent there for 'insolence and refusal to cooperate in a learning situation'. Whatever the fuck that means.
Curly had surgery. Again. The big one this time. Transabdominal Disc Replacement. It sounds fucking scary saying it out loud, and I am still having trouble getting my head around the fact that to fix his back, they had to cut open his front. Which means he now has another spot on his body that hurts. He is still at home with us, and will be for at least another few months by the look of things. The doctors have had him on so many drugs that withdrawal was going to be a problem no matter what happened. But when we had to see a different doctor the other day who said, and I quote 'I have never seen anyone on that much narcotic. Not in 25 years of general practice', I realised exactly how much trouble we were in. Makes me fucking sick actually, because I made it clear to the doctors that I had concerns about the amount of drugs he was being prescribed. And while I know that you cant just leave someone in pain... surely there was another fucking option. But what the fuck would I know?
I honestly feel like life has not stopped. I guess I didnt mention it coz I bailed out of this blogging lark before it happened, but I have joined the kids school P&C. As the secretary. And what the fuck have I done there?? I encouraged this sheila from school that she should take the position of president. Well she has been blowin smoke up her own ass since I met her about what an awesome job she has done on P&C committees. Turns out she is about as useless as tits on a bull. And I encouraged her to do this. She does nothing. NOTHING! So far the rest of us have picked up the pieces and made this work, but now she is feeling the need to assert her authority 'as president' and I dont know if the committee is big enough for the both of us. Actually come to think of it I dont know if it is big enough for her and anyone else at all! If only I had fucking known...
I am exhausted. If you managed to read all that rambling crap, I am sorry. I will try to be better. I dont know if anyone is reading this at all, except my one loyal follower *insert eye rolling here* but you were right again girl, I do feel better.
'Til next time...
First, I feel the need to explain where the fuck I have been for the last 3 months. I am still not sure, so if you find me, let me know where I was? In the end, I am back because my mate (and only follower coz she is the only person I am brave enough to let see all this shit) said to me the other day 'you were coping a lot better when you were writing'. And fuck I hope its true. Sometimes it scares me that my mental health is something I will never stop questioning, never recover from having had that label, deserving of it or not. The most fucked bit of this post is that as I hear it in my head I am aware of the rambling... just another sign that my brain is not coping in its 'normal' way. Whatever the fuck that is.
So, an update on family life. The kids are still driving me nuts, and are still the most beautiful and amazing creatures on the planet. Little by little I am becoming more aware of what resilient little buggers they are. The kids went back to school, had swimming lessons, both had time off with a cold, they got nits... twice, and I managed to survive the term with only 1 nervous breakdown in the kids classrooms. It appears that my darling son has decided that school work sux, is boring, and is clearly not worth his time or effort. And he told the Vice Principal so when he was sent there for 'insolence and refusal to cooperate in a learning situation'. Whatever the fuck that means.
Curly had surgery. Again. The big one this time. Transabdominal Disc Replacement. It sounds fucking scary saying it out loud, and I am still having trouble getting my head around the fact that to fix his back, they had to cut open his front. Which means he now has another spot on his body that hurts. He is still at home with us, and will be for at least another few months by the look of things. The doctors have had him on so many drugs that withdrawal was going to be a problem no matter what happened. But when we had to see a different doctor the other day who said, and I quote 'I have never seen anyone on that much narcotic. Not in 25 years of general practice', I realised exactly how much trouble we were in. Makes me fucking sick actually, because I made it clear to the doctors that I had concerns about the amount of drugs he was being prescribed. And while I know that you cant just leave someone in pain... surely there was another fucking option. But what the fuck would I know?
I honestly feel like life has not stopped. I guess I didnt mention it coz I bailed out of this blogging lark before it happened, but I have joined the kids school P&C. As the secretary. And what the fuck have I done there?? I encouraged this sheila from school that she should take the position of president. Well she has been blowin smoke up her own ass since I met her about what an awesome job she has done on P&C committees. Turns out she is about as useless as tits on a bull. And I encouraged her to do this. She does nothing. NOTHING! So far the rest of us have picked up the pieces and made this work, but now she is feeling the need to assert her authority 'as president' and I dont know if the committee is big enough for the both of us. Actually come to think of it I dont know if it is big enough for her and anyone else at all! If only I had fucking known...
I am exhausted. If you managed to read all that rambling crap, I am sorry. I will try to be better. I dont know if anyone is reading this at all, except my one loyal follower *insert eye rolling here* but you were right again girl, I do feel better.
'Til next time...
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Cyclone Yasi
The weather in this country is scaring the crap out of me. I personally dont know anyone in QLD but it is terrifying all the same. I dont pray often, but seriously, saying a little prayer for everyone to be safe tonight.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Email from a friend
I got this in an email from a friend today - what a great way to make memories on your wedding day. I am sure it is a wedding that will never be forgotten and is probably still talked about all the time.
http://www.parkwayreststop.com/archives/2937
And I was a little surprised at the end to realise I had tears in my eyes... Because whilst I am in a happy relationship, with a man whom I love beyond words, and whom I intend to spend the rest of my life with, I realise that we peobably will never marry. And that makes me just a little sad...
http://www.parkwayreststop.com/archives/2937
And I was a little surprised at the end to realise I had tears in my eyes... Because whilst I am in a happy relationship, with a man whom I love beyond words, and whom I intend to spend the rest of my life with, I realise that we peobably will never marry. And that makes me just a little sad...
Friday, January 28, 2011
Anxious much??
Well, its friday, and Hubby will be having surgery, pretty much right at this minute if they are running to schedule... I am sooo nervous for him and feeling a little sick that I am not there with him. I know he was nervous and there is just so much going on. The meeting to organise his fathers funeral is happening this afternoon, so whilst he is in surgery, hos brothers are making all the decisions - which I guess would be making him feel pretty helpless too.
I just hope this surgery gives us some answers and put us on a path that we might be able to do something about finally getting this all sorted. He has been in pain for far too long... fingers are crossed!
I just hope this surgery gives us some answers and put us on a path that we might be able to do something about finally getting this all sorted. He has been in pain for far too long... fingers are crossed!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
2 days 'til surgery
and I am absolutely terrified for my DP. His father died last night, and combined with the funeral, well I dont know how much more he can handle. I am not strong enough to handle much for for him, I am trying really hard to hold it all together for him, and to keep everything here as normal and settled as I can, but it's impossible. I have no idea of what or how he is feeling and I wish that I could take away all the hurt he is going through.
I dont even know what to say here - but fate, kismet, destiny - whatever the hell you are out there, if you are listening, please ease up. Give him a break so he can at least deal with each thing properly, one at a time. Please.
I dont even know what to say here - but fate, kismet, destiny - whatever the hell you are out there, if you are listening, please ease up. Give him a break so he can at least deal with each thing properly, one at a time. Please.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Outta my control!
Well. I have spent most of today in tears. I feel like everything in my little world is out of my control - and I dont like that feeling. The stuff going on with my hubby's father has stirred up a lot of issues for him. This was going to be difficult enough without dredging all this stuff up now, so on top of being utterly terrified of the surgery, he is now way out there dealing with abandonment, and guilt, and sadness. None of which are very positive emotions to be helping him along. I just need everything to go smootly, just for a little while. Please?
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Well its thursday!
Thursdays are a bit love/hate for me - thursday either means my hubby is coming home, or that he is flying out again. He was supposed to fly out again today, but yesterday afternoon we got word that his father is in hospital, and the doctors are saying he only has days to live.
Now, I dont want to sound heartless, but this man is nothing to me, or to my children for that matter. He has been no part of my hubby's life in the whole time I have known him, and hubby only remembers seeing him a few times when he was growing up. In fact, I have only met the man once, about 4 years ago when he was found passed out, so pissed that he had been unconscious in an alleyway for days. Now he is riddled with cancer and my poor hubby is stuck in a weird space, not knowing the man but feeling an obligation to this person who fathered him.
To be perfectly honest, what happens to this man means nothing to me right now, I am indifferent. Of course I dont wish him any suffering, but my greatest worry is how my hubby will cope with this. He has so much going on right now, with another surgery coming up, that seriously, there was no need for the extra emotional stress and strain.
Right now, I just hope that whatever it is that is bigger than us out there, will give us all strength to get through all of this. I really hope that my beautiful man can cope with all of this. Because he deserves for something to go right!
Now, I dont want to sound heartless, but this man is nothing to me, or to my children for that matter. He has been no part of my hubby's life in the whole time I have known him, and hubby only remembers seeing him a few times when he was growing up. In fact, I have only met the man once, about 4 years ago when he was found passed out, so pissed that he had been unconscious in an alleyway for days. Now he is riddled with cancer and my poor hubby is stuck in a weird space, not knowing the man but feeling an obligation to this person who fathered him.
To be perfectly honest, what happens to this man means nothing to me right now, I am indifferent. Of course I dont wish him any suffering, but my greatest worry is how my hubby will cope with this. He has so much going on right now, with another surgery coming up, that seriously, there was no need for the extra emotional stress and strain.
Right now, I just hope that whatever it is that is bigger than us out there, will give us all strength to get through all of this. I really hope that my beautiful man can cope with all of this. Because he deserves for something to go right!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Just one of those days...
You know, when you shouldnt have even got outta bed? I had a drs appt, the girls got a haircut and I had to do some grocery shopping. Then get it all unpacked, then dinner with the mother-in-law. Its been a long one, and I think I am gonna curl up in bed and crash.
Thanks f*ck tomorrow is another day!
Thanks f*ck tomorrow is another day!
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Love having my man home!
It's school holidays here so its all busy busy. I have my niece come and stay with us every holidays and here mum and dad came and stayed this weekend so, it has been non-stop! We went to the outdoor cinema on friday night and saw Diary of a Wimpy Kid, the kids loved it and had a ball. King's Park here in Perth sets the scene for a beautiful night out, although it was just a little chilly, after all the heat we have had!
Saturday was pretty cruisy and then today we headed out to the dam out near us for a BBQ but apparently so did everyone else, and among other little screw ups for the morning we could not get any parking, so turned around and came home again!
Now its back into the week, hoping to catch up with some friends and just have a relaxing week.
Fingers crossed the kidlets can behave and be good boy and girls!
'Til next time...
Saturday was pretty cruisy and then today we headed out to the dam out near us for a BBQ but apparently so did everyone else, and among other little screw ups for the morning we could not get any parking, so turned around and came home again!
Now its back into the week, hoping to catch up with some friends and just have a relaxing week.
Fingers crossed the kidlets can behave and be good boy and girls!
'Til next time...
Thursday, January 13, 2011
TFIT...
As in Thank F*ck Its Thursday.... That means my hubby comes home today. And I am so so so glad.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Life in turmoil
I write this post with a heavy heart. It has been a tough week here, and a really tough couple of weeks for any Australian. I feel like everywhere I turn there is devastation. On Xmas day a family here in my hometown lost everything when their home burnt to the ground. Just before Xmas, fire ripped through and people were evacuated from their homes, the damage was massive but luckily everyone remained safe. Now, parts of the beautiful country I live in are completely under water and families are watching their homes float away, and not so far up the road, fire has wreaked havoc and 10 families lost their homes to an arson, that took off through the bush with a temper that no one expected.
What is this world coming to? One thing I can tell you about this world is that I have never been prouder to be an Australian. When other countries have been in strife Australia has stepped up and given aid and support, but there is nothing like fighting for the country you love and the people you belong too. Because at the moment, we are all family. Tragedy is making us stand together and that alone fills us all with the most amazing strength. I havent watched the news and shed a tear for someone that I know, or family that I cant get hold of, but I have cried and sobbed for the devastation these people are enduring. I can not imagine how they are feeling, and the fact that they have managed to stay strong amazes me. News footage of families standing on the roof of their home because the rest of the house is underwater - that is true courage.
And here I sit, in my soft dry bed, in my girly room with pink sheets, in the home that my babies sleep safely down the hall... and realise just how damn lucky I am. Tomorrow is a new day, and tomorrow I will try harder, to be better, to be stronger, and to be thankful for all that I have.
What is this world coming to? One thing I can tell you about this world is that I have never been prouder to be an Australian. When other countries have been in strife Australia has stepped up and given aid and support, but there is nothing like fighting for the country you love and the people you belong too. Because at the moment, we are all family. Tragedy is making us stand together and that alone fills us all with the most amazing strength. I havent watched the news and shed a tear for someone that I know, or family that I cant get hold of, but I have cried and sobbed for the devastation these people are enduring. I can not imagine how they are feeling, and the fact that they have managed to stay strong amazes me. News footage of families standing on the roof of their home because the rest of the house is underwater - that is true courage.
And here I sit, in my soft dry bed, in my girly room with pink sheets, in the home that my babies sleep safely down the hall... and realise just how damn lucky I am. Tomorrow is a new day, and tomorrow I will try harder, to be better, to be stronger, and to be thankful for all that I have.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Squishy little cheeks!
Pregnant women seem to be everywhere at the moment... perhaps there is something in the water?? There is something about a baby's tiny toes and squishy little cheeks that makes me gooey. I have 2 beautiful, incredible, loving, funny, adorable kidlets of my own and I love them beyond belief. I find myself constantly saying a little prayer that I want to be the best I can be for them, and being a mama is the most amazing role I have ever had the priviledge of filling. I dont always make the right choices, and I am constantly making mistakes and second guessing myself, but never for a moment does the love I feel for them ever falter. They are the reason I continue breathing and even though I would love to have another baby, I am so glad that I can remember their tiny fingers and toes, and squishy little cheeks... I still get gooey just thinking about them. My little boy is 8 years old and was telling me today about the girls he likes in his class, and I realised how quickly time is flying by. And I decided there and then, to just stop and enjoy them. Enjoy my babies, and every moment I have with them. Because I love them...
This big, finny scared, PADLOCK!
This big, finny scared, PADLOCK!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
BLOGS are addictive!
I have only been writing here for a few days, but I have been stalking some blogs for over a year! I love looking at other people's lives and I am very thankful that people share so that others may learn and experience, through that tiny window into their lives. I dont really know what this blog will turn out to be, or if it will even turn out to be anything worthwhile reading, but I hope it does offer someone out there some entertainment. I dont sleep very well so I tend to blog snoop late at night and into the early hours of the morning, and there have been blogs that have made me laugh, some that have made me laugh, some I have learnt something... and a couple have left me completely puzzled, but all of them have kept me company in the long hours until the sun comes up. If I ever figure out how to manage this place, I will add a cool list so you can see the blogs I stalk regularly!
Dont hold your breath though okay??
Dont hold your breath though okay??
Saturday, January 8, 2011
I miss my hubby...
Sometimes I hate being the wife of a fly-in/fly-out fella. It is great that it gives us the chance to live a lifestyle that we would never be able to afford if we were both here working 9-5 jobs. And him working away means that I am able to be here for our kids, no matter what they need, anytime day and night. I didnt have that when I was a kid, my sis and I spent a lot of time with my grandparents, and whilst I know we would not have built the relationships we have with them if we hadnt spent that time, I do feel like it came at cost of a good relationship with my parents.
'Curlystash' (aka hubby) hurt his back at work over 9 months ago now, and the doctors still arent any closer to knowing exactly what is going on. He has had 2 surgeries already in the last 5 months and another one coming up soon, and it is horrible to not be able to help when he is in so much pain. He has just gone back to work after 3 weeks off, in which he took time off to spend christmas with us, and I am really, really missing him. I want my hubby...
By the way - 'Curlystash' is my daughter's new nickname for her daddy. He has had a shaved head pretty much all of his adult life, and is now no longer shaving his head at the moment, as he is doing the WORLDS GREATEST SHAVE 2011 - and he has a bit of a fro! His hair has grown really curly, and he wears a hat almost everywhere to try and contain the fro -' he stashed his curls, therefore he shall forever be known as Curlystash' she called out. Such an animated little brat!
'Til next time...
'Curlystash' (aka hubby) hurt his back at work over 9 months ago now, and the doctors still arent any closer to knowing exactly what is going on. He has had 2 surgeries already in the last 5 months and another one coming up soon, and it is horrible to not be able to help when he is in so much pain. He has just gone back to work after 3 weeks off, in which he took time off to spend christmas with us, and I am really, really missing him. I want my hubby...
By the way - 'Curlystash' is my daughter's new nickname for her daddy. He has had a shaved head pretty much all of his adult life, and is now no longer shaving his head at the moment, as he is doing the WORLDS GREATEST SHAVE 2011 - and he has a bit of a fro! His hair has grown really curly, and he wears a hat almost everywhere to try and contain the fro -' he stashed his curls, therefore he shall forever be known as Curlystash' she called out. Such an animated little brat!
'Til next time...
Thursday, January 6, 2011
A Year in pictures...
I can honestly say I think there are about 20 photos of me in existance since the birth of my daughter. Not that there was a whole hell of a lot before she was born, but I seem to avoid the camera even more now. I dont remember the camera coming out very often while I was growing up, but I do remember that when it did, it generally came with the comment 'suck in that tummy and stand up straight'. That in itself is a lot of the reason I avoid the camera. I am unhappy with my weight and seem to be lost in a vortex in which I just have to look at a piece of chocolate and its entire caloric value is absorbed into my body through my eyeballs. It was never a good experience for me and I always, always felt completely out of place when looking at myself in a photo. On the odd occassion that there was a family photo taken, someone would go get them printed, and I would look on thinking - 'umm how did I get in there'.
Not a great shock really then that there are very few photos of my children as toddlers. Well perhaps very few is too harsh, I just feel that I have not taken anywhere near as many as other parents have taken of their treasured offspring. SO anyway, last year I met another mum from the kids school, and she is is into scrapbooking. Over coffee one day she showed me beautiful albums of her children and I was filled with regret. I dont have every beautiful, silly, incredible, messy, sad, hysterical moment captured to look back on forever. As time goes on, memories become a little more blurry, and I dont have the benefit of looking back at hundreds of pictures of all these memories. That makes me sad. I wish now that I had thought more about it, and that my parents had too. I wish that there were more pictures of my sis and I as little girls, playing and laughing. And now my parents are divorced, and I honestly can not remember the last time we were all in a picture together. Chances of those photos taking place now are restricted to weddings and the birth of babies etc.
I have decided though that it wont be that way for my kids. I am doing Becky Higgins, Project Life, which means taking a photo of something for every day of the year. FIngers crossed I can be that organised!
I still hate having my photo taken, but I am going to make more of an effort to record those memories for them, so that when they are older they can look back on those memories and laugh about their silly little games, and remember the times that we went to the park and blew bubbles all afternoon. And maybe one day I might see one of those photos and be able to look past the fat lady in them, and just see a happy mama, with her husband and her beautiful babies. I might even be able to look at those photos and not wonder how I got there, but just see that that is where I belong...
'Til next time
Not a great shock really then that there are very few photos of my children as toddlers. Well perhaps very few is too harsh, I just feel that I have not taken anywhere near as many as other parents have taken of their treasured offspring. SO anyway, last year I met another mum from the kids school, and she is is into scrapbooking. Over coffee one day she showed me beautiful albums of her children and I was filled with regret. I dont have every beautiful, silly, incredible, messy, sad, hysterical moment captured to look back on forever. As time goes on, memories become a little more blurry, and I dont have the benefit of looking back at hundreds of pictures of all these memories. That makes me sad. I wish now that I had thought more about it, and that my parents had too. I wish that there were more pictures of my sis and I as little girls, playing and laughing. And now my parents are divorced, and I honestly can not remember the last time we were all in a picture together. Chances of those photos taking place now are restricted to weddings and the birth of babies etc.
I have decided though that it wont be that way for my kids. I am doing Becky Higgins, Project Life, which means taking a photo of something for every day of the year. FIngers crossed I can be that organised!
I still hate having my photo taken, but I am going to make more of an effort to record those memories for them, so that when they are older they can look back on those memories and laugh about their silly little games, and remember the times that we went to the park and blew bubbles all afternoon. And maybe one day I might see one of those photos and be able to look past the fat lady in them, and just see a happy mama, with her husband and her beautiful babies. I might even be able to look at those photos and not wonder how I got there, but just see that that is where I belong...
'Til next time
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Hmmm I wanna be a blogger!
Okay, so my New Year's Resolution this year was to blog... And would you look at that, I am already 5, yes five! days late. Those who know me well know that this is not an uncommon occurrance!
There are so many incredible blogs out there, that I read on a regular basis, and I am inspired by these blogs. Dont get me wrong, the purpose of me blogging is not for entertainment for you, but more as a way to keep myself entertained. It's time I found some new things to fulfil this life, no longer will I just exist, I will live this life.
So, if by any chance you are the poor soul who has pressed that next button and landed here, I hope you might come back sometime when I have a little more to say, and perhaps be a little more entertaining. And please excuse the place being such a mess, I have no idea what I am doing here, or how to make the place all spunky and pretty - but hey, if its untidy here, it matches the house!
'Til next time...
There are so many incredible blogs out there, that I read on a regular basis, and I am inspired by these blogs. Dont get me wrong, the purpose of me blogging is not for entertainment for you, but more as a way to keep myself entertained. It's time I found some new things to fulfil this life, no longer will I just exist, I will live this life.
So, if by any chance you are the poor soul who has pressed that next button and landed here, I hope you might come back sometime when I have a little more to say, and perhaps be a little more entertaining. And please excuse the place being such a mess, I have no idea what I am doing here, or how to make the place all spunky and pretty - but hey, if its untidy here, it matches the house!
'Til next time...
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