A Year in pictures...

I can honestly say I think there are about 20 photos of me in existance since the birth of my daughter. Not that there was a whole hell of a lot before she was born, but I seem to avoid the camera even more now. I dont remember the camera coming out very often while I was growing up, but I do remember that when it did, it generally came with the comment 'suck in that tummy and stand up straight'. That in itself is a lot of the reason I avoid the camera. I am unhappy with my weight and seem to be lost in a vortex in which I just have to look at a piece of chocolate and its entire caloric value is absorbed into my body through my eyeballs. It was never a good experience for me and I always, always felt completely out of place when looking at myself in a photo. On the odd occassion that there was a family photo taken, someone would go get them printed, and I would look on thinking - 'umm how did I get in there'.
Not a great shock really then that there are very few photos of my children as toddlers. Well perhaps very few is too harsh, I just feel that I have not taken anywhere near as many as other parents have taken of their treasured offspring. SO anyway, last year I met another mum from the kids school, and she is is into scrapbooking. Over coffee one day she showed me beautiful albums of her children and I was filled with regret. I dont have every beautiful, silly, incredible, messy, sad, hysterical moment captured to look back on forever. As time goes on, memories become a little more blurry, and I dont have the benefit of looking back at hundreds of pictures of all these memories. That makes me sad. I wish now that I had thought more about it, and that my parents had too. I wish that there were more pictures of my sis and I as little girls, playing and laughing. And now my parents are divorced, and I honestly can not remember the last time we were all in a picture together. Chances of those photos taking place now are restricted to weddings and the birth of babies etc.
I have decided though that it wont be that way for my kids. I am doing Becky Higgins, Project Life, which means taking a photo of something for every day of the year. FIngers crossed I can be that organised!
I still hate having my photo taken, but I am going to make more of an effort to record those memories for them, so that when they are older they can look back on those memories and laugh about their silly little games, and remember the times that we went to the park and blew bubbles all afternoon. And maybe one day I might see one of those photos and be able to look past the fat lady in them, and just see a happy mama, with her husband and her beautiful babies. I might even be able to look at those photos and not wonder how I got there, but just see that that is where I belong...

'Til next time